Regret List Page 7

  Something else moved in the shadows, larger than her and Sammy nodded. “Yup, there’s Patrick. Grace! Over here!” She waved her arms at the shadows and the larger shadow broke away, moving toward the line of cars. The smaller one moved slower, but as she stepped closer, the streetlights illuminated her face and for a second, I thought we had been mistaken. There was something way different about her face, the way she moved. I was about to laugh and apologize, but then realized it really was Grace. Her face was around a thousand years older and I wasn’t positive, but she looked like she had been crying.

  Kandice didn’t seem to notice, though. “Come on!” she grabbed Grace’s wrist and hustled us all toward the waiting cars. “My mom’s going to freak if we take any longer.” I heard her cellphone go off in her purse, but she ignored it, hauling open the car door of one of the waiting cars. “Mom, I am right here. Seriously, stop calling.” We all piled into the car as Kandice and her mom got into a yelling match about when she was supposed to meet us and why it had taken us so long to get to the car. Grace slunk further down in her seat, leaning her forehead against the car window.

  “You okay?” I whispered. She shrugged and inched her body farther away from mine. When we finally pulled up at my house, I clambered out of the car as quickly as possible, breathing a huge sigh of relief when they pulled away. What a weird night.

  As usual, my mom wasn’t home, so I sprawled out in my bedroom and decided to read Asher’s latest installment in the notebook while I waited for the phone call or text messages that were sure to arrive soon from the girls. With all the drama that had apparently happened during the night, I was expecting to hear something before the hour was up. I shed my dress on the floor and clambered into bed in just my underwear, burrowing under my quilt. But when I opened the notebook, I frowned. Something was odd about the latest bit Asher had written. His handwriting was looser, hurried. And as I began reading, it just got weirder.

  So, remember what we had agreed on? It was supposed to be about a boy and a girl, fighting against each other on opposite sides of a war. I flipped through the notes at the beginning of the notebook, reading over the major plot points. Technically, he had followed the rules; he had written from the boy’s point of view as he infiltrated the castle where the wizard and girl lived. But instead of a fight breaking out – no holds barred – the boy came across the sleeping form of the girl and couldn’t get over how peaceful, how innocent she looked. When she awoke with a start and attacked him, he let himself be captured rather than kill her.

  It was kind of stupid and sappy, but I was intrigued. Picking up a pen from my nightstand, I allowed the girl to enter the waltz of unexpected feelings. She didn’t really like him yet, not by a long shot, but she was transfixed by his actions. Why did he let himself be captured, just standing there, offering no resistance? She still considered him a prisoner rather than a friend, but that little sliver of uncertainty opened up in her heart.

  I was scrawling down the words, totally absorbed in the story, when my phone vibrated on the nightstand. Without looking away from the notebook, I fumbled blindly across the nightstand and grabbed the phone, holding it out in front of me. It was Sammy.

  “Hi,” I answered. “So what’s going on?”

  “Hi Paige, so you know that guy Kandice mentioned? The one she met online?”

  I thought for a moment, my head still somewhere else. “Oh right. She mentioned him on the first day of school. She was texting pictures to him or something over the summer?”

  “That’s the one,” she giggled. “Well, do you also remember what she told you when we thought you were seeing two boys at once?”

  I gasped, pushing the notebook away. “She told me it was okay, but not to let Jason find out!”

  “Well guess who borrowed Kandice’s phone at the dance and found some uh, revealing texts and pictures on it?”

  “Oh boy. Matt. Why did she let him borrow it? Why was she even still texting this online guy? Did you know about this?”

  “Not until just tonight!” she insisted. “I don’t know why she was still texting him, but I guess he’s a college student nearby. Matt didn’t exactly borrow it with her permission. She kept checking her phone all night and texting a bunch, so Matt and Robert finally grabbed it away from her to see what she was doing.”

  “What was she texting?” I asked in a hushed voice.

  Sammy giggled again. “Oh you know, sexy stuff. Things they want to do to each other.”

  “And there were pictures?”

  “Yup. Nothing naked, but she was pretty scantily clad. You can’t tell her I told you about this, though. I was supposed to come up with some other reason, but I couldn’t really think of anything good. Plus, this is just so juicy!”

  “Isn’t this guy kind of old, though?”

  “I think he’s only 18 or 19. He’s only a freshman.”

  “Still!” I protested. “That’s pretty old.”

  She paused and I knew she was shrugging. “Well anyway, you have to break up with Jason.”

  “What?” I nearly dropped the phone. “I’m not breaking up with him! Why would I do that?”

  “Hey, I broke up with Robert! Kandice doesn’t want us all going out with the guys except for her. She’d be left out of everything. The group match-up is over. You’ve got to call him and break up. He probably already knows about what happened. He’ll understand.”

  “But…no. I’m not going to break up just because Kandice is an idiot. Is Grace breaking up with Patrick?” At least this was a way for her to get untangled from the mess.

  “Don’t know. I haven’t been able to reach her yet. She’s not answering her phone.”

  I sighed. “Well, I’m going to keep seeing Jason, so I’ll just deal with Kandice later. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”

  “Okay. See you later.”

  I hung up and stretched out on my bed, but the phone instantly buzzed in my hand again. “Now what?” I grumbled, but it was only a text. Smiling, I opened it to find it was from Jason. Had a fun time w u. Dont worry bout the others. Im not. C u monday.

  With a smile still playing on my lips, I replied, It’s a deal. Shutting off my phone, I heard the front door open and close, signaling my mom’s return. I flipped off my light and set my glasses on the nightstand, settling in under the blankets. I hoped she wouldn’t come up to ask me how the dance was. I heard her walk into my room, but she only sighed as she picked my dress up off the floor and hung it in the closet.

  As I drifted off to sleep, I realized I hadn’t moved the notebook. Feeling around, I found its hard edge sticking out from under my pillow and I fell asleep holding it, dreaming of a strange boy sneaking in through the window to watch over and protect me.

  When I blearily opened my eyes the next morning, I screamed. Something large and blurry was hovering over me, reaching for my throat. Flailing wildly, I tried to untangle myself from the blankets fast enough to defend myself.

  “Whoa!” the blob called out, jumping backwards. “Chill!”

  “Asher?” I jammed my glasses on my face and the room came into focus. “What the heck are you doing?”

  “The notebook.” He gestured toward me. “I needed it.”

  “Who let you in?” I looked around for the notebook and suddenly realized my worst nightmare was coming true. Even worse than when I thought I was about to be strangled. “Asher,” I choked on the words. “Get out!” Gathering my blankets around me, I tried to hide the fact that I was clothed only in my underwear.

  “But I want-“

  I threw the notebook at him and he grinned. “Cute bra, Paige. I’ll be outside.”

  I screamed in frustration as he dashed out of the room, slamming my door behind him before I could pelt him with anything else. “Stupid jerk!” I yelled through the door, quickly getting dressed.

  “Relax!” he hollered back, his voice growing distant as he headed outside. “I’ve seen you naked before!”

  Praying that my mom wasn
’t home, I slipped on my flip-flops and hurried after him. To my relief, my mom’s car was absent from the driveway and I paused for a moment to read a note on the table saying she was out grocery shopping. It was true, you know, he had seen me naked before, but it was a long, long time ago. I didn’t even think he still remembered it.

  See, back when we were much younger, probably only eight years old, we once found ourselves standing side-by-side on the roof of Asher’s shed, hidden in the side yard where no one would stumble across us. We had been reading about flight in school and I know you’re thinking that no kid is that stupid, but well, some of us really are. I can’t remember whose idea it was, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it might have been mine.

  Sometimes, when I feel the first breeze of spring against my cheek or notice a day with absolutely no clouds in the sky, I remember what it was like up on that roof. It couldn’t have been that far to the ground, but to us, it seemed impossibly far down. There was a huge pile of old, outgrown toys leaning up against the other side of the shed that we had used to clamber up, only to stand at the edge of the roof and stare off into the distance. That feeling of unshakeable faith in my own abilities is far gone now, but occasionally, I can almost remember what it was like.

  A hummingbird hovered nearby, flitting back and forth, probably trying to figure out what in the world we were up to. Eventually, it must have decided that it wanted nothing to do with our antics and disappeared from view. Asher looked down at the ground. “I don’t know about this, Paige.”

  I shook my head, still staring at the horizon. “Don’t be silly. This’ll work.” We each held a pair of wings made of cardboard and duct tape. I took another step toward the edge, feeling the corner with my foot. “Watch and see, I’ll show you.” I launched myself into the air, spreading my arms out, feeling the wind rushing through my hair. With my eyes set on a far-off dead tree, rising far above the rest, I soared through the air…for a good half second. I felt the weight of reality come crashing down on my little body, sending me hurtling into a pile of firewood at the base of the shed.

  “You okay?” Asher hollered, racing around the back of the shed, down the pile of toys to come to my aid.

  I shook my head, trying to clear the buzzing from my ears. My sense of innocence and the crushed wings were really the only things injured, but then I felt something sting my leg. “Ouch,” I mumbled, smacking at my leg and trying to climb my way out of the wood pile. The feeling happened again, on my other leg and with a sense of panic, I realized the buzzing wasn’t in my head. “Asher!” I screamed, tearing out of the pile, away from the swarm of wasps.

  He was already there, desperately trying to bat the insects off. I could feel them under my clothes, crawling on my stomach, on the back of my neck, up my legs, and I clawed wildly at my clothes, trying to get them off. Our shouts must have alerted his dad because he joined the fray, spraying us down with a hose to wash the wasps off our bodies. “Run!” he yelled, dropping the hose and scooping us both up in his arms. I was completely naked by that point and Asher was halfway there. His dad dumped us inside the house, slamming the door shut behind us. “You alright?” he asked us, checking Asher over for stray wasps. I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. “What were you two doing out there?”

  I dissolved into a sobbing mess and he just shook his head, heading up to Asher’s room to get me something else to wear temporarily. All in all, we made out pretty well. I was only stung five times and Asher only three times. Looking back on it, I’m sure it was a pretty small nest. I don’t mind bees and wasps now, but that hum that comes from their nest…it still gives me goose bumps.

  With a small grin as I remembered that day, I chased after Asher who had run outside with the notebook. “You can’t just go barging into people’s homes like that!” He was already on his bike and circling around the driveway.

  “Maybe you should lock your door, then. Besides, you come barging into my house all the time.” He smirked and tried to pull the front up to do a wheelie, but nearly lost control of the bike.

  I rolled my eyes. “You are such a doofus. So are you keeping the notebook for the rest of the weekend, then?”

  He spread his arms to either side and attempted to ride without hands, wobbling back and forth. I was reminded of my attempt to fly. “Feeling inspired, Paige. I’ve got things to write. Grab your bike and you can come with.”

  I glanced around. Where was my bike, anyway? Groaning, I remembered. “My bike’s still in my mom’s car. I didn’t bother pulling it back out.”

  He came to a stop in front of me and gestured at the back. “Hop on, then.”

  I cast a critical glance at the back, where a basket was meant to be attached. With a sigh, I climbed up behind him, nearly tipping us both over as I tried to get comfortable. Slipping my arms around him, I held on tight as he took off down the driveway, skidding in the dirt. “Be careful!” I yelled.

  He either didn’t hear me or chose to ignore me as he raced down the hill from my house, pedaling hard. Squeezing my eyes shut, I leaned my forehead against his back, hoping we would make it to our destination alive. When I heard a crunching sound, I opened my eyes again, looking around. We were riding over the lava rocks, on the way up to the butte. Eventually, he made me get off and we walked up the steep path to the top.

  “How was the dance?” he asked as we reached the summit.

  I made a face. “Haven’t you heard everything from the rumor chain yet?”

  “I haven’t heard from you.”

  “It was fine,” I said, plopping down on one of the boulders. “Why do you have to keep such close tabs on me, anyway?”

  He looked irritated at that and sat down across from me, setting the notebook between us. “Well, you don’t have a big brother to keep track of you.”

  “Big Brother is right,” I grumbled.

  He glared again as he opened the notebook. “You need to write more.”

  “Well I was planning to, before you snitched it.”

  He silently handed the notebook and a pen to me and I wrote for a while, the sun warming my head. When I finished, he took over, only stopping occasionally to ask my opinion on one thing or another. Mostly, I just stared at the clouds overhead and thought – about life, Jason, Grace’s mysterious reaction after the dance, if my mom wondered where I had gone. On that last thought, I pulled out my phone and texted her, letting her know where I had gone. When I didn’t receive a reply, I knew I would be walking into a lecture when I got home. All the more reason to stay out longer. Setting my phone down beside me, I lay back on the boulder and closed my eyes.

  I must have dozed off at some point, because I suddenly felt Asher shaking my shoulder. I brushed him off and touched my cheek to make sure I hadn’t been drooling. By his smirk, I knew I hadn’t been subtle enough. “What do you want?” He just gestured at my phone and I picked it up, trying to see who was calling. My eyes still blurry with sleep, I answered it blindly. “Hello?” The line was silent for a moment and I almost pulled the phone away, when I heard someone start to say something and then stop. “Who is this?” I asked in confusion.

  “It’s Grace,” a small voice answered.

  “Grace! What’s going on? Have you heard from Sammy or Kandice?”

  I heard Asher groan. “Ew, girl talk,” he mumbled.

  “No. I think one of them might have left a message,” she trailed off.

  “What happened last night?” I asked in confusion. “You seemed really freaked out. Look, Kandice wants us to break up with everyone. I’m not going to, but you can if you want.” I saw Asher give me a sharp look, then go back to writing.

  “I-I don’t know,” she stuttered.

  “Well, don’t let the girls bully you into anything. You should do what you want.”

  She gave a weird, short laugh. “That’s easy for you to say.”

  Easy to do what I want? I wish! I shook my head. “Well, I’ll see you Monday, okay?”

  “Sure,” sh
e said and I heard the click of the phone. Only after she hung up did I realize that she hadn’t explained why she was so shaken up after the dance or why she had even called me in the first place. Asher stood up as I slid the phone back into my pocket and with a glance, I saw his mood had darkened. “I’m going to head out,” he said. “Want a ride back?”

  “Nah, that’s okay. See you later,” I replied, mystified. He tossed me the notebook and took off on his bike without a backward glance. Bewildered by the world in general, I started the long walk home, dreading the lecture that was sure to come from my mom. What had started as a carefree, sunny Saturday now seemed like a confusing mess where I was the bad guy at every turn. Thinking of bad guys reminded me of the story. If I was a character in there, I would be the girl – sworn to protect one person, blind to everyone else around her. I wished for a moment that I could be her, that someone would come along to show me what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to be. Sighing, I chided myself for being so silly and forced myself to drop the idea. She was a character in a story. Life just wasn’t like that.

  My mom’s car was back in the driveway when I finally reached home and I reluctantly let myself in through the front door. “Hi Mom!” I called.

  “Paige? Could you come here a moment?”

  Cringing, I followed her voice to the kitchen. “What’s up?”

  “What were you doing out and about so early on a Saturday morning?” she asked with a fake cheeriness that set my teeth on edge.

  I set the notebook down on the counter while I poured myself some water and I noticed her eyes follow it warily. “One of my friends came by the house, so we were just walking around outside for a bit.”

  “Asher.”

  “Asher,” I confirmed.

  She changed tactics. “How was the dance last night?”

  I shrugged. “It was alright. There was music. We danced.”

  “Was Asher there?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, Mom. Asher wasn’t there. Look, do you actually want something or is this just a pointless interrogation?” Her face changed instantly, looking hurt, and my heart twisted in guilt. Maybe she really was just interested in my life. I tried to think of a way to assuage the situation and came up empty-handed. “Look Mom, I’ve got stuff to do. Yell if you need me.” Grabbing the notebook, I hurried to my room, disgusted with the way I had handled things. Some days, it seemed like I just couldn’t get anything right.