Regret List Page 8

  Chapter 6

  The next few weeks passed in a blur. Asher and I kept writing, I often hung out at Jason’s house after school, and my friends kept trying to get Grace and me to break up with our boyfriends. Oh, that’s right, Grace didn’t break up with Patrick after all. That’s actually what led to Regret #3: Ignoring all the signs that something was really, really wrong. Grace and Patrick were at the heart of that particular regret.

  We all expected her to break up with him at the first opportunity, but he continued to eat lunch with our group, hunching over her with those stupid sunglasses still hiding his eyes. Even Jason didn’t eat lunch with us. I didn’t blame him in the slightest. It was super awkward with only half of our group broken up. But Patrick was constantly hovering over Grace and he never seemed to let go of her. His hand was always resting on her shoulder, or his arm was pressed up against hers, or he had his head buried in her hair, kissing at her neck. It made for a pretty weird lunch situation, but Grace seemed the most discontent about it. Over those few weeks, she continued to get skinner and gave up all pretense of eating or even bringing a lunch to school. There was no way she was happy with him.

  So why didn’t she break up with him?

  Well, that was the main sign that I should have paid attention to. Instead, I brushed it off. We all did. Kandice spent her time texting with college-guy, Sammy blabbed on about cute guys in her classes, I wrote in the notebook, and Grace was left with nobody to turn to. I’m the most to blame. I knew I was her main confidante of the group, but with the Jason and Asher mess, I hardly gave her a second thought. Yep, this is one of those truths that makes me look pretty bad. I was a lousy friend back then. I only hope that what happened next makes up for it a little bit.

  As winter approached and we began looking forward to Christmas break, we actually had a pleasant lunch one day without Patrick. I’m not sure if he was out sick or just skipping school, but for once, it was just us girls. Sammy and I were flicking a crouton at each other when Kandice snapped her phone shut and we all turned her way. She only put her phone down when she had something especially important to say. “Anyone up for a party this weekend?” she asked slyly.

  “Ooooh!” Sammy immediately clapped her hands to her mouth. “I haven’t heard anyone mention any parties this weekend. Who’s throwing it?”

  Kandice shot her a look. “This isn’t some baby high school party, Samantha. It’s at the college. One of Christopher’s friends is throwing an end-of-term bash.”

  “Christopher?” I asked.

  Sammy raised her eyebrows at me behind Kandice’s back and glanced meaningfully at the phone. Ohh, college-guy. “Yes, Christopher.” She pronounced his name in a way that was clearly mocking my confusion. “Anyway, we’re invited and one of his friends said he’d pick us up on Saturday and drive us there.”

  “Can I bring Patrick?” Grace asked.

  “Seriously?” Kandice asked. Even I groaned inwardly. I grew less fond of that guy every time I saw him and he seemed to tag along with us everywhere. I couldn’t figure out what Grace saw in him. She seemed to wither away in his presence and simply turn into his armrest.

  Grace shrugged. “It’s just – he doesn’t like it when we go places without him. He worries about me being around other guys.”

  I almost started laughing before I realized she was serious. Sammy did burst out laughing. “So what?” she said. “There are going to be college guys there, Grace. Why limit yourself to Patrick?”

  Kandice was already texting again. “I’ll tell them to pick us up from the school. Just give your parents some cover story and meet here.” She glared at Grace. “And you can tell Patrick that there isn’t room for him in the car.”

  I had no intention of bringing Jason with me, but it isn’t for the reasons you think. I didn’t want to get hit on or drunk or anything crazy like that. But come on, every girl hears about these crazy college parties and wonders what they’re really like. I’ve seen enough movies about them. I wanted to see what one was really like, strictly as an observer. Maybe I could incorporate it into the book, somehow.

  So, come Saturday evening, we all slunk off to the school. The first snow had fallen a few days earlier and my boots crunched through the icy top layer. I had told my mom that I was going to a sleepover at Sammy’s. Never mind that I had never gone to a sleepover before in my life, she was so excited I was hanging out with someone other than Asher that she didn’t question me too thoroughly. When I jumped up onto the brick wall that surrounded the school, I saw the others waiting further on ahead. I spied bare legs and high heeled shoes peeking out from under Sammy and Kandice’s long wool coats, but to my relief, Grace was dressed a lot like me, in a sweater, jeans, and thick snow boots.

  We stood silently for a short time in the quickly fading light, quickly becoming impatient as the cold crept through the layers. Finally, Kandice yanked out her phone and started texting. “They’re on their way,” she finally mumbled.

  I felt my own phone buzz in my pocket and I pulled it out. It was Asher, asking what I was up to.

  Infiltrating a college party, I texted back. Should be good research for a drunken tavern scene.

  Don’t do anything crazy, he returned.

  Never. I thought about that for a moment, before stuffing my hands back in my pockets. Wasn’t this whole thing kind of crazy? I could picture myself as I had been almost exactly one year ago, a naïve little thirteen-year-old at an early holiday party at Asher’s house. His mom had invited a bunch of neighbors and family over and Asher’s brothers had invited all their friends over. We were sitting around at dinner and everyone was talking loudly over each other as Christmas music played in the background. For some reason, a bunch of his aunts and uncles thought it was a great time to start asking Asher about school and about me, and I knew there was no way he could hear them over all the noise. It didn’t help that they kept turning and talking to each other, making lip-reading near impossible.

  I was helpless to intervene as I knew from experience that he didn’t want my help in negotiating conversations. I only watched his frustration grow as he kept asking them to repeat what they were saying. Finally, he abruptly left the table and headed upstairs to his room. His mom made eye-contact with me from across the table and I knew she wanted me to follow him, just to make sure he was alright.

  I excused myself from the table and followed his path upstairs. His door was closed, but I let myself in anyway and shut it behind me. I found him sitting at his computer and he scowled over at me in a very clear what-do-you-want sort of way.

  “Hey, I don’t want to chatter away with all your relatives any more than you do!” I protested, sitting down on his bed. “I only came to hang out with you.” He twirled around on his desk chair and slowly came to a stop, facing me. “What?” I asked, but he only shrugged. “So what do you want to do?” He still didn’t answer and I started to get irritated. “Hey, talk to me!”

  “Do you ever get mad?” he asked.

  “What? Yes, I’m mad right now. I hate when you won’t answer me.”

  His mouth twitched as he tried not to smile. He always got a kick out of seeing me worked up. “No, I mean, if you have to repeat yourself. For me.”

  I scrunched up my face. “Why would I get mad? No, of course not. That would be stupid.”

  “How about the fact that you’re up here with me instead of downstairs with everyone else?”

  “I would much rather be up here with you any day. I hate family get-togethers.”

  He finally grinned. “Me too.”

  We were silent again, just looking at each other. “Asher,” I said, breaking the silence, “can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” he said, waving a hand.

  “How did you lose your hearing? I’ve always wanted to know.”

  “It’s not interesting.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. I’m just curious. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.”

&nbs
p; “Fine, fine,” he acquiesced. “I was born kind of early and had a lot of ear infections when I was little.”

  “Oh,” I frowned. “Do you remember being able to hear?”

  He nodded slowly. “I think so. I remember hearing birds singing in the morning. They would wake me up.”

  “Well at least that’s one good thing about losing your hearing, then – not being woken up at dawn.” I hesitated on the last words, wondering if it was a bit too insensitive, but he smirked.

  “I can also pretend not to hear you when you get too annoying,” he returned, then ducked as I threw a pillow at his head.

  I remembered that night fondly as I stood in the snowy school yard, waiting for a ride that I was pretty sure wasn’t going to show up. I wished I could go back a year, back to how Asher and I shared the desk chair and played computer games until all the guests had left and I had to go home. I was trying to remember the title of that particular game when a car finally pulled into the parking lot with music pounding loud enough to rattle the panels.

  “That’s them,” Kandice said tersely and we piled into the backseat of the car, crunched up against each other with no room to wear seatbelts.

  Two guys were in the front and before I had even closed the door, we were racing off into the night. The one in the passenger seat turned around to look at us and whistled loudly. “These are just little kids!” he yelled to the other guy. “Why’d Christopher invite them?” The driver just shrugged wordlessly and I saw him glance at us in the rearview mirror. “We should take them for a little ride, show them around town.”

  “We just want to get to the party, thanks.” Kandice’s voice betrayed her nervousness.

  With a sudden turn that sent us all slamming into each other, we swerved around a corner onto a side road. The guy in the passenger seat grabbed for something to hold onto and let out a sharp laugh, still watching us. “You kids better hold on, we’re going for a wild ride, here!” Letting out a whoop, he reached over and turned off the headlights while the other guy swore and smacked his hand away, fiddling with the controls to turn them back on.

  “We’re going to the party, right?” Sammy ventured, but I doubted the guys could even hear her over the screaming music. We exchanged glances as the car continued to skid around corners and accelerate down tiny alleyways that I had never even seen before.

  “Do you know where we are?” Grace hissed in my ear. I shook my head, wordlessly. I thought back to Asher’s text: Don’t do anything crazy. If this wasn’t totally crazy, then I didn’t know what was. I would go so far as to classify this as the most insane thing I had ever done in my life. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

  “Hey!” I hollered. The one guy turned around and I saw the driver’s eyes flicker up toward the mirror again. “Pull over!”

  “Uh, no thanks, kid,” the first guy ventured, giving me a weird look. “We’re almost there.”

  “We’re going in circles,” I protested, but the guy just started laughing again.

  “Hear that, man? The kids are getting scared back here!”

  “Paige, shut up!” Kandice looked mortified.

  “I want out!” When the driver ignored me and accelerated instead, I gave him my most serious look. “I’ll scream.”

  “You’ll do what?”

  In response, I let out my most piercing scream, even louder than the music. Everyone in the car immediately threw their hands over their ears, except for the driver, who began swerving even more madly. Barely even stopping to breathe, I continued to scream until the driver slammed on the brakes and pulled over. Both the guys’ faces had turned to disgust and without waiting to hear what they had to say, I clambered out of the car and pulled Grace with me. To my surprise, Sammy and Kandice followed wordlessly and the car peeled out as soon as they shut the door.

  “You’re such a moron, Paige!” Kandice raged, but I could see relief on her face as well. “Come on, I think we’re pretty close. The house must be just down a few blocks. We’re on the right street.”

  “That was amazing!” Grace murmured next to me as we followed Kandice.

  Amazing? I wouldn’t call it that. Desperate and childish, maybe. My mom always had told me that if I was ever kidnapped, I should just scream. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, however. We found the house after a few minutes with cars lined up and down the street and a handful of older kids hanging out on the front porch, drinking beer. They nudged each other and whispered when we walked up to the front door, but no one made a move to stop us, so we walked in through the front door and were blasted with a front of warm, humid air.

  My glasses immediately fogged up, so when Grace whispered, “Oh no…” and Kandice and Sammy indignantly started asking what “he” was doing there, it took me a moment to figure out what was going on. But even through the fog, there was no mistaking those stupid sunglasses. No one else would have the audacity to try and pull off sunglasses at night, indoors, in the middle of winter. No one but Patrick.

  “I just gave him Christopher’s name, I don’t know-“ Grace started, but was cut off as Patrick swept her under his arm and led her away from the rest of us.

  “Creepy,” Sammy muttered.

  “Come on, let’s see if we can get ahold of some booze.” Kandice threw off her coat and tossed it onto a nearby couch. Sammy followed close behind her, but I hung back to look around. I was here on a purely observational mission, I reminded myself. It was different than how I’d imagined a party. More crowded, smellier, and much less exciting. Sure, there was a group playing beer pong in the center of the room and the requisite booming music playing, but most people were just standing around looking bored.

  Kandice reappeared nearby, under the arm of some guy who I guessed must be Christopher. I groaned when I saw that they each had their hand in the other’s back pocket. Sleazy. I could see Sammy nearby, plastic cup in hand, trying to wedge herself on the couch in between a group of guys. She was playing the act of the sloppy drunk girl pretty well, even though I doubted she had more than a sip of beer so far.

  “Hey.” My attention was suddenly interrupted by a voice behind me. I turned, hoping it wasn’t one of the guys from the car. I breathed a little sigh of relief when I didn’t recognize him.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  He smiled a little. “Nothing much. You know anyone here?”

  Is he trying to figure out if he can abduct me without anyone knowing? “I know a few people,” I said noncommittally.

  “The guys I came with disappeared upstairs with some random girls,” he replied, grimacing. “I don’t really come to parties much.”

  Oh no, he’s inviting me upstairs with him, isn’t he? “I guess I don’t go to many either. It’s not really my thing.”

  “Do you like to dance?” He held out a hand, but I hesitated, trying to think of a way out of it. “I promise not to make a move on you. You kind of uh, remind me of my little sister, honestly.”

  I laughed, feeling a little more at ease. “Sure.” I took his hand and we weaved through the crowd to find a little space by the stereo.

  “How old are you, anyway?” he asked, spinning me around.

  “Sixteen,” I lied.

  He laughed and shook his head. “Not a chance. How old, really?”

  “Fourteen.” I could feel myself blush. We were dancing like kids. This was different than at the homecoming dance, where it was all crushing against the other person and wrapping yourself as tightly around them as possible while rocking or bouncing. This was like how Asher and I used to dance when we were little kids, all swinging and twirling and laughing. I felt a surge of sadness as I thought of him. It felt like ages since I had really hung out with him.

  This other guy must have seen my expression change, because he let me spin into him, then hugged me briefly and leaned close so I could hear him. “You want to get some fresh air?” he asked.

  I nodded, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. As we wa
lked toward the door, I heard yelling break out behind us and I paused. When I heard Kandice’s piercing voice over the music, I went running back to where a crowd of people had formed.

  “She was asking for it!” Kandice screamed again as I broke through the crowd to see what was happening. It’s strange how some moments stick in your mind. I can remember the strangest details about what I saw, even though the entire thing seemed like a blurred disaster. Grace was sitting on the floor and at first I thought she’d fallen, but then I saw the tears waiting to fall from her quivering chin, the sleeve of her sweater pulled down off her shoulder, exposing her bra strap. I could describe a hundred things, from the design of her bra strap to the way three droplets of spit flew from Kandice’s mouth as she screamed and stomped her foot. “I saw her go up there with him! She was asking for it!”

  Sammy was standing on the edge of the crowd, eyes wide as she watched Kandice, clearly afraid to step in. Patrick reached for Grace then, and I noticed that his sunglasses were askew, had fallen off his right ear. It was the first time I had ever seen his eyes. I’m not the kind of person who believes in good and evil, so I won’t tell you his eyes were evil, but I will say that they were full of cruelty and derision. They were eyes to fear. Just before he was able to grab her wrist and haul her off into the night somewhere, I flew into action. I didn’t have a plan, wasn’t even totally sure what was going on, but there was no way I was letting a guy with those eyes grab hold of my friend.

  I jumped in between them and shoved Patrick. “Leave her alone!” I yelled. His eyes narrowed and he lunged for me. I had nowhere to move and couldn’t step back without stumbling over Grace, so I held my ground. My dancing partner sprang in then and grabbed Patrick’s arms, lugging him away from us. His eyes met mine and he flicked his head toward the door. It wasn’t a threat, but a warning: get her out of here. Someone had turned off the music and I could hear low voices talking all around us. No one else moved as I helped Grace to her feet. As we pushed through the crowd to get to the door, I glanced back once at Sammy, but she stepped to the side to move behind Kandice. She had chosen her side. With a look of disgust for the both of them, I turned back around and left the house.